Into the night,
My soul takes flight.
Soaring above and seeing my life.
The sun is rising as I look at the town,
Where I grew from a child.
I linger and laugh at the teenager in me
Climbing out of windows and being so free
I met a boy
And he brought out my sexuality
Little did I know that wasn’t reality.
Then there I was holding my child
A mother too soon I knew not how
Then there I was with another child
I found myself filled with joy
I could be a child which my life had not allowed
I was suddenly deserted by the boy I met
That was a day I’ll never forget
Darkness came over me
I could not see
I lost who I was
Who I thought was me
I left my children
One sunny day
I packed my car and ran away
I could not find myself no matter how far I traveled
Now I know who I was running from was me
So I tried to find myself
Filled with guilt and shame
Not worthy of life
Then he raped me
This I still keep deep inside of me
I missed my life
My children I loved
But could not face everyone
I had run from.
I had secrets inside of me
That I dare not share with those surrounding me
Finally I cried until I thought I’d die
And got in my car and faced my life
Things did not go well as I knew they wouldn’t
Denied my children
I felt broke
But, my life went on
though every day I felt misery
I mourned my loss
Mourned my awful mistakes
I pondered me and who I should be
I was a mother and now didn’t feel like one
Didn’t deserve to be one
I filled with madness
Drink was my escape
Made me more miserable
I just felt awful
My life became one big party
That way I escaped my reality
Then I met another boy
Thinking maybe he would fill me with joy
Someone to love me
For I forgot what that was like
nd so I started another life
Life then started anew and I went to learn
To begin a career
I felt happiness was ever so near
And suddenly I had another chance
There I was – another child
A mother again
So long ago she went away
I knew for sure she was here to stay
And so my life went on a happy way
Then it was like deja vu
He left me this boy
Just like the first
The sun fell out of my sky
Once again I was in the sea
I asked God, oh why why me?
What did I do to deserve this insanity?
So, once again there I was
Under the water. Trying to swim above
I could not take this again
I was determined to not become insane again
I swam to the top and treaded the sea
I was insistent upon staying me
It was hard oh so hard
Sometimes I wished I could float above
Above this earth where I didn’t seem to fit
I lost my job, my home
I felt oh so alone
But my child kept me alive
Then there he was following me
Absolute terror surrounded me
I ran my son and me
Hiding out from that evil man
So scared so scared
Then there was justice though not that much
Soon it was time for my child to go to sea
Where he served our country
Then I met another boy
Who seemed to understand me
What a lie
My mental state was not good
He hit me physically
I thought I deserved it
I guess I still was not free
Of all my past and misery
Somehow someway I broke away
Then I started yet another life
I left the town where I had grown
Got in my car and I just drove
I found a job
I found my home
Where I felt so happy even though I was alone
I then fell once again
My mind just broke
To explain, I can’t even begin
I didn’t want to be that way…again
I sought out a life preserver to pull me out of the water I’d sunk in
And then I knew. I finally knew
My mind, me, are okay
Special in a wonderful way
I treat myself, my mind with meds
Finally I know what life really is
The adjustment was hard
Actually still very hard
My first two babies are embracing me
And my third… well, he really worries me
I rescued him from a dark cave
A man out of him, I will make
So, after a life of trying to find me
I discovered myself which was always within me
And now I travel through my sunset of life
And realize that all the lives I have lived
Were really gifts
The sun may be setting for me
But, I am free
And happy to be me
I’ll forge ahead and live a new life
And so it goes… me, myself and I
Experiencing whatever is life
It may not be the best it could be
But I am ever so happy
The smiles I have though wrinkle my face
They come from joy
Which I now embrace
I may be graying and my body failing
But I’m so happy so happy for life
Soon the sun will set once again
Then it won’t come up
But I am sure I’ll be in a new place
Where the stars will shine
The sun will glow bright
The moon will smile upon my next life
I’ll see the ones I lost
And wait for the ones I left
And discover whatever is given me next.
PJ/A.K.A. Manifestations
Patty Jo
Manifestations 